The Week of July 17, A Flop Culture Sample

By Kat Hobza

Steve Buscemi refuses to fix his teeth.   This update falls into a little category I like to call WHO², meaning WHO is Steve Buscemi and WHO cares about his teeth?  One of Steve Buscemi’s most memorable roles was as Carl, who ended up getting stuffed into a wood chipper in the movie Fargo.  Of course he refuses to fix his teeth.  Odd looking people with bad teeth are hard to come by in Hollywood.  Being successful is all about finding a niche market.

Lady Gaga egged for performing on stage in a wheelchair.  Lady Gaga must not have watched her instructional DVD on the basics of becoming a celebrity, or she would have learned the importance of hiring a PUBLICIST!  Yes, there are people who get paid to delicately steer you away from incredibly poor choices like performing in front of an audience in a wheelchair when you are not paralyzed!  (And the answer to the question, “Do people really need to be told that?” is, apparently, YES.) On a positive note, she now has eggs to go with that ridiculous steak dress she wore to the MTV Video Music Awards last fall.

Hugh Hefner speaks about his broken engagement.   Finally, some real news.  Hugh Hefner is alive!  Who knew?  In an interview this week, Hugh talked about his broken engagement to his fiancé saying “something was not quite right.”  Really Hugh?  What might that be?  Maybe the 100 year age difference wasn’t “quite right.”  Maybe the fact that she asked for a Bentley right before she bolted seemed “not quite right.” Maybe it’s “not quite right” that a man in his 80s parades around in a silk robe, surrounded by women young enough to be his great-granddaughters.   A person could “not-quite-right” Hugh’s love life into the ground.    

North Dakota may not be a state.  This isn’t really a matter of news, so much as it is a matter of semantics.  How do YOU define a state?  Do you define it as a region with people, infrastructure, local economies and the amenities of modern civilization or as a region with grass, wind and crude oil?   

Alpha males are stressed.  A nine year study of male baboons suggests that alpha males are just as stressed trying to maintain their reproductive lifestyle (mating with as many females as possible) as low-ranking males, who are just stressed about where their next meal is coming from.

 Dear Research People:  May I please have the money you spent rooting through the feces of male baboons for nine years measuring stress hormones?  I could have told you that alpha males get worked up trying to get with as many women as they can (and I could have drawn this conclusion after a Saturday night sitting on a bar stool, not after NINE years!)  And anyone who has spent 10 minutes with a guy knows how stressed out they get when they go too long between meals. 

Interestingly, the middle-ranking males enjoyed the same level of female attention as the alpha males, and weren’t nearly as stressed. It is believed the middle-ranking males relieve stress by laughing at the alpha males who are making asses of themselves.