Johnny Depp admits to being paid too much- How insightful. Depp says that being paid “stupid money” (reportedly over $300 million for Pirates of the Caribbean), isn’t about him. It’s about the kids. Whose kids? Jerry’s kids? Kids in Africa? No. His kids. He has two. That’s $150 million dollars per child in the Depp household. So I have to ask. Does making stupid money make you stupid? Is he really trying to justify earning an ungodly sum of money when most people are struggling to put gas in their cars by saying it’s for his kids? I guess his kids are the only ones who get to stand up in front of the class and say, “My daddy earned $300 million dollars for doing a super bad impersonation of Keith Richards, and he did it all for me.”
Depp has to test my stupidity theory further by saying (in Vanity Fair mind you, he wasn’t just popping off to some photographer ) that when his picture is taken, “it feels like you’re being raped somehow. Raped…feels kind of weird---just weird man.” Really? Johnny, could you step away from pot long enough to form a coherent thought that doesn’t offend the masses? Insert outrage from rape victims here. It’s probable that most rape victims would use a word other than “weird” to describe rape. Maybe Johnny Depp could take some of that $300 mil and buy himself a friggin’ thesaurus. How about switching out the word “rape” with something a bit less inflammatory, like “invaded” or “violated.”
So Jennifer Lopez got teary eyed while on stage this weekend? That’s so weird! We cry when she sings on stage too! She was sad about some sappy barf-inducing love song she was singing, we cry because she has limited vocal ability and her songs make us want to stick our head in a hot oven and shut the door.
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Seems like everyone is belly-aching about Netflix, so I thought I’d join in on the fun by writing them a strongly worded letter:
Dear Netflix, your instant feed selection sucks. Bad. It’s almost as if you’ve gone out of your way to put the crappiest of the crappy in the instant feed selection. We get the psychology behind this. Make people completely exasperated when they are trying to find a good movie to watch so they get pissed off and in a fit of rage subscribe to the $7.99 DVD service. I can’t order up The Other Guys but I can watch Home Alone 3 or Beer Pong Saved My Life? Could you be more obvious in your ploy? If people wanted to wait to get a movie, there wouldn’t be so many vacant Blockbuster stores around the country. Charge me $1 a movie for instant feed if you want. I’ll pay it (if it’s a movie that doesn’t make me want to throw my chips and beer at the TV). I really don’t care how you remedy this situation, just fix it. Net-fix it, ASAP. This current strategy is insulting and is making you the laughing stock of the Internet community.
