This week's headlines in review....

I-Pads and Apes:  Apes at the Milwaukee County Zoo have taken to playing around with I-Pads.  Great. Listen here, apes!  There are technically challenged people like myself who get other people to figure stuff out for us because we are technologically challenged.  (Yeah, sometimes we’re just lazy.)  When I can’t figure something out, I whine and say, “fix it,” to either my kids or my boss.  And they do.  Because they know it is easier to do it themselves than it is to explain it to me.  (I have perfected the blank stare.  It has become a very effective tool in motivating those around me to solve my technology riddles!)  And I don’t need you APES messing things up for me.  Do you know what my kids are going to do if they read this headline?  The next time I toss my I-Phone or I-Pod at them to have them fix or improve it for me, they’ll say, “Nice try Mom.  Even the apes at the Milwaukee County Zoo can figure this out.”  So you apes go back to doing what you do best.  Eating bananas.  Picking bugs off each other.  Scratching yourself in public.  I’ll go back to doing what I do best which is avoiding learning new things.  Do we understand each other?

Kids lose “bad mom” court case:  Two “children,” both in their 20s have lost a suit against their mother for bad parenting.   (Shall all us moms wipe the sweat from our collective brow, since we all have, at one time or another, done things that could be construed as “bad parenting.”)  Among this mother’s offenses?  No college care packages, Mumsy didn’t get the homecoming dress that Princess wanted and on their birthdays, they only received cards sans cash.  My kids’ response to that would likely be, “You got a card?????”  I think this mom should have countersued for “pain and suffering caused by spoiled, ungrateful brats.” I’m guessing she might have gotten a little more sympathy for her grievances than they did for theirs.  In a battle of this nature, the mom always comes out ahead, with these 23 simple words, “I passed you and your wide shoulders through an opening the size of nickel after hours of intense and excruciating pain.  I win.”

Lastly, Tropical Storm Irene and Tropical Storm Lee placed the eastern seaboard under water, left millions without electricity and caused untold amounts of damage, but hey, Beyonce is pregnant.  So we've got that goin' for us....